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From Pain To Power

Posted on February 01 2017

From Pain To Power
First off I want to say that I have the most amazing family and the most amazing group of friends and none of this would have been the way it is if I hadn't been through what I've been through.
"None of this would have been the way it is if I hadn't been through what I've been through".
Speaking as a man, we go through our lives holding ourselves with pride and build a wall for ourselves to give the image that we are strong and we will let nothing hurt us. The thing is this wall has had to have come from somewhere. Speaking literally a wall is built with bricks and mortar and takes time, measurement, patience and resilience in or to build it. The same can be said for the metaphorical wall, called our "EGO," that we build for ourselves as well. But where does this wall come from? What are the bricks and mortar? and what is the time patience and resilience that built up this EGO? I want to try and explain by sharing my own story on how my wall as broken down and why the break down of that wall lead to me achieving everything I've ever wanted both in Health and Wellbeing and material items.
"We go through our lives holding ourselves with pride and build a wall for ourselves to give the image that we are strong".
First of this is by no means one of those stories to gloat about how "SUCCESSFUL," I am (How big my house is or how many cars I have) or how "WEALTHY," I am (How many Millions of dollars I have sat in my bank account) because to be quiet honest that isn't true. This is a story of how a young man had a good up bringing, a great lifestyle and amazing adventures but how all that came tumbling down because of "The Wall of Ego," that he had built up.
Coming into this world I didn't have a bad upbringing, in fact quiet the opposite. I had an amazing family that loved me and wanted the brightest future for their you boy. I grew up in Manchester, England and had a great group of friends. I went to a good schools and had a great education and like my Mum always said to me "You could be an A* student if you put your mind to it," and looking back on it I probably could have. 
After school I could have chosen to go to University and study a whole host of amazing courses such as, Advanced Mathematics, Electrical and Mechanical Engineering, Automotive Design and Psychology. Instead I gave that all up to chose to work at a Fast Food joint on minimum wage. Not the glossiest of career choices but, until this day, I still maintain that this was one of the most fun and enjoyable jobs I ever had. I made great friends, its was easy going and I have a lot of fond memories surrounding those times.
Obviously there is a point where the idea and lack of education about money takes over and I gave up that job to work in an office warehouse earning, what I thought, were the big bucks. Enter the worst Job I ever had!
For the next few years I bounced from job to job and even into unemployment until I took my first major risk in life. 
I saw an advert for a croupier in the local newspaper. The ad was very vague and didn't give much away about what the job was really about. I went for the interview, passed the test and got the job. On came he onslaught from the doubters or my family. Like I said before my family are amazing and I love them to bits but like most families they always provide the biggest barrier in making those big life decisions and always sow the biggest seeds of doubt. My mum was dead against it and didn't like the idea of me working nightshifts and thought that Casino's were seedy places and full of crime and bad people. To be honest, the joint that I worked in, she had a point. At first I gave in to her doubts and took a job stacking shelves at a supermarket and it wasn't long before I was hating that decision. A few months went by and I got angry, not at myself but at my mum, because I had turned down this job that seemed interesting and intriguing instead to be stacking shelves at Tesco.
One day I woke up, I thought you know what that croupier Job is something that I want to go for. So I called up the person I first spoke to on the phone and they remembered me. I couldn't believe it! Behind my mums back I went in for another interview and started the training school that week. Bare in mind i was 19 at the time and still under the mums thumb. When my mum found out I got the face of disapproval but didn't feel bad about it as It was something that I had really wanted to do.
I can't tell you enough about what happened from there but this decision took me to places I hadn't even dreamt of. Within a month I had my own place, within two my first serious girlfriend and within four a promotion, pay rise and a new career.
"Obviously there is a point where the idea and lack of education about money takes over and I gave up that job to work in an office warehouse earning, what I thought, were the big bucks. Enter the worst Job I ever had!"

From there my ambition grew and grew but so did my ego. My relationship broke down, and the wall started to build that little bit higher. Rather than deal with my problems I chose to make the greatest worst mistake of my life and I chose to run away. I lost the first love of my life but I got to chase dreams that I had literally overnight. I went away travelling and working on cruise ships. That job that my mum told me not to get took me on a 7 year trip around the world and to countries I had never even heard of before.



After my break up, like a lot of Ego driven men I was egger to make up for lost time in the bedroom department and went on a rampage that after 3 years would be an addition to my demise. I was never a guy that just slept around. More of a serial dater but to be quiet honest looking back was probably much much worse. For every relationship without a period of healing just seemed like one big long relationship with a lot of different women. Each relationship I would get hurt and then move straight on to the next until a time I said enough was enough and took the next step to me demise. Instead of doing what any normal person would have done and take a break I took it upon myself to continue but give myself a reason to not get hurt. I am ashamed of what I did because looking back at it I could have potentially hurt a lot of people. Thankfully I didn't and it ended up being myself baring the pain of my actions.

Roll on to 2011. On July 23rd one of the most tragic events in my life occurred, the passing of my Grandad. For those that don't know me, I grew up without a Dad as he left my mum before I was born and passed away 5 years later before I ever git a chance to meet him. This face I blocked out for the majority of the my life as I have in the story but became more evident later on. My grandad therefore was my idol, my inspiration and my every idea of what a man should be. He was courageous and fearless, a business owner, lived his dreams and was a strong, proud and chivalrous gentleman. He was everything I aimed to be, my biggest supporter and greatest friend. When he passed my life didn't seem to exist anymore. It was as if everything I believed and everything I stood for had been taken away from me. It swallowed me whole. Here I made massive mistake 2/3.

"My grandad therefore was my idol, my inspiration and my every idea of what a man should be. He was courageous and fearless, a business owner, lived his dreams and was a strong, proud and chivalrous gentleman."

 

Instead of going home and grieving with my family I chose to pretend it didn't happen and live my life as normal. A few week later I met the 2nd love of my life. I've never believed in love at first sight until I saw this girl but all that changed. I did what ever I could to charm and romance this girl to get her to agree to go on a date with me. My charm and romances paid off and I was soon, very quickly, in a serious relationship. It has become more relevant today that although my love was true, I poured my pain and emotion from my Grandad's passing into this relationship as well as my love and romance and It wasn't long before the cracks started to show. I blamed her for my problems and I grew angry at her because of my pain, causing arguments for the smallest of reasons. She was the 2nd love of my life and I destroyed every little bit of the love she had for me with my next actions.

"I blamed her for my problems and I grew angry at her because of my pain."

Mistake 3/3. For the 3rd time in my life instead of deal with the problems I chose to run away. I ran away back to what I new, what was easy and was where most people ran away too. Back to ships and a life at sea. After years of running away and a lot of pain it was here than my pain all started to catch up with me and the cracks turned into on big crater. I pushed my 2nd love as far away as possible, all the while thinking I was doing the noble thing of saving her from my pain and releasing her away from my life of misery. Obviously that wasn't true and my next steps really pushed me down a path of no return. I was alone, with a back pack filling with depression with a carry on full of self hate and loathing. A few years before I had lost my uncle to alcoholism and looking at what happened to my grandad now probably him as well but that didn't stop me from following a similar path. We often in social media see parties fuelled with alcohol, loud music, people screaming and dancing as "Fun," or "Living the life." Well I can say that these so called parties were lived by me first hand every night for the next 2 months. We dressed up, we had parties to rival those of Vegas and we had heaps and heaps of "Fun." One thing I noticed that with each party I felt less fulfilled and drank more hoping that would be a problem solver. It wasn't. 

One night we finished off a party and I was less than in a state of consciousness. I remember having arguments with my friends and and shouting at most of them and went into my cabin and burst into tears until I fell asleep. I woke up later that night/morning feeling almost sober but very depressed and very sad. I went to the side of the ship and just stood there and stared out at the ocean for what felt like a lifetime. It was then I decided that life wasn't worth living. No Father figure, No love of my life and what seemed like no hope of anything changing. I stood on the side of the ship with all intention to jump. Things from there are some what hazy. I don't remember getting back to my cabin and I don't remember why I decided not to jump but the good thing is that I didn't. 

"It is here where my story begins!"

I woke up the next day knowing I was alive and knowing that I had to change. I went to see my friend who was the ships councillor at the time and she referred me to the ships Doctor. We filled out a suicide questionnaire and had a chat about what I had been doing. The Doctor asked me if I wanted to go home, I said no. We both came to the conclusion that something needed to change and that had to change dramatically. I went and apologised for my friends but I hid my actions from them and just made it my path to pay them back for the pain that I had caused and like good friends do the easily forgive but it never seemed enough for me. I had been very keen on one of the ships dancers at the time and decided to pursue a relationship with her. It turned out that this was one of the better decisions I made as although we were seeing each other so to say she became more of my best friends rather than someone I was looking at for lust and sexual desire. Although I didn't really want to I explained what had happened with my grandad and explained about my life as a child without a dad. Her first reaction was to apologise which confused me but it did bring me a sense of relief as I had, for the first time in my life owned my situation and not run away from it. I was proud of myself and made a friend for life. To this day although not as frequent anymore I still check up on her to see her adventures and chat and see how she is. She was a massive help in my life more than I ever think she will know. She gave me the power to be able to release my issues and my problems and believed in me to achieve. 

"But it did bring me a sense of relief as I had, for the first time in my life owned my situation and not run away from it."

Although I was feeling better I still wasn't happy and new that I needed to grow and make some drastic changes in order to not fall in to the trap of the circle of depression. I'd been a regular at the ships gym for a while but with no real goal. I saw one of my friends doing a 12 week program that focussed on fitness, nutrition and also mental stability through yoga and meditation. He was nice enough to share the program with me and the next night I printed off everything I needed, had my last beer and my last chocolate bar and went to sleep. The dancer stuck by me until he day she left the ship where we decided to part ways romantically even though it made us both sad it was for the best as we were both on very separate paths. My journey continued however beyond that time until the 12 week period was over in time for Christmas where I was in the best shape of my life, doing activities like running which I used to hate and absolutely loving the place I was in and the people I had surrounded myself with. I was happy, loving life and feeling good about myself in a way that I had not felt for a long time. At the end of that contract I had an idea in mind. After seeing the results I had from setting goals in fitness, why couldn't I apply that to the rest of my life and set some goals for myself there. 

Since I was a young ld I had always wanted to follow in the footsteps of my cousin and move to Australia. So at the end of that contract I had and a very difficult choice. I wanted so badly to pursue my dream but i did't quiet have the money to do it and on the other hand I got offered the first ever ship from the fleet to go and cruise around Japan. The choice was tough but I chose to take the slower option so I could build myself financially and give myself a better chance of staying there and making something of it. So for the next 6 months I worked hard on my last cruise contract and managed to save $15k. To be honest I don't think it would have mattered which option I had chosen because it was what happened while I was working towards getting my Permanent Residency Visa that really mattered. 

Before the Japan contract I sat down and gave myself a time line on how I was going to get there and where I was going to be. I gave myself a 5 year target to make this happen and I put my blinkers on and focussed on nothing else. The first few months were tough. surviving on a tourist visa and having no income and having to go and study saw the funds wear away quickly. I eventually got my qualification but by the end of it I had only 6 days left until I had to leave the country. I made myself a back up plan but did not give up on the belief that Australia was the place for me. It got that close that I started making waves in Vancouver. I secured a job, an apartment, bought flights and had bags packed. 2 days before I was due to leave for Canada I was finishing my work experience placement through my course when my hard work didn't go unnoticed. The work experience placement for a Personal Trainer requires you to do just 20 hours of work placement to pass your course. Like I said before I had my blinkers on and I was determined to be the best version of myself as I could be and learn as much as I could in the hope that the gym I was working in would offer me a sponsorship. 198 hours later in 3 weeks it finally paid off and 2 days before I was due to fly to Canada I was offered sponsorship and the paperwork was rushed through so that I could stay on and live my dream in Aus. 

"I put my blinkers on and focussed on nothing else."

The story doesn't end there. The initial visa was denied and once again, 8 months down the track I was due to have to leave again unless i found another way. The next step was for me to go back to school and study for a qualification that would cost be over $12k for one years study. This was obviously a massive hit on the finances and coupled with a suicidal girlfriend, at one point, left me living in my car and showering at the gym. Life was tough and I could have packed it all in there and then and run away once again. This time though I knew that running was not the answer as this was probably my one and only oppertunity to achieve this goal I had dreamt of since a lad. Eventually I found a place to live and the money started coming back in again and none of this wouldn't have been possible if it wasn't for me. I worked as many hours as I could and fit it all around my full time study and eventually started to crawl out of the hole I was in.

"This time though I knew that running was not the answer."

15 months later and it was time to apply for my visa again. It was a long and tiring wait for the visa to come through but 8 months later I got the reward for all my hard work, persistence and effort and officially became a resident of Australia. Two and a half years later and I had achieved my 5 year goal. I was so happy with myself. What happened next though I did not foresee. I was Two and a half years ahead of myself with no where to go, no goals and nothing to aim for. I've got to admit I didn't expect that I wouldn't feel happy at achieving my goal. I spent the next year feeling pretty mediocre because I had no goal. I started to try to build businesses in a hope that would satisfy the need for success, but it didn't and I ended up wasting money and time investing in things that I didn't really have a passion about. It wasn't until I wanted work on my own personal development again that the change in my mentality shifted. I had feelings of wanting to run away again and up popped someone almost out of nowhere offering to help me realise my true potential through a program called EP7. I realised the way i thought about things was flawed. My belief system was insane and even though I was a very positive person in general my positivity was up and down until I dealt with the trauma of being abandoned by my dad, losing my uncle, losing my Grandad, having many failed relationships and a general feeling of not being worthy. 

"I started to try to build businesses in a hope that would satisfy the need for success, but it didn't and I ended up wasting money and time investing in things that I didn't really have a passion about."

It was from here where I found my true calling. I founded a coaching business to help people that have been in situations very similar to mine. Feeling low, feeling unworthy, having crazy belief systems that hampered my overall growth and it was here with help from the team at Winning International I developed my coaching business to help people out of states of anxiety and depression through fitness. We were encouraged to share our cause at one of the retreats that are run by my coaching team. It was tough and there were tears but I did it and i felt so empowered. Have a quick watch.

Today I am achieving more goals than I can imagine. I am for the first time in my life in a non-destructive relationship and happy and allowing all my good times and bad to be shared. I managed to be i a position to purchase the car of my dreams, a 1967 Ford Mustang 390 V8 but most importantly I'm sharing my growth with you and helping people just like me to succeed and plan for a better and a fitter future. 

Thanks for reading. Please share this with someone you think could use a little bit of help and just know that I am always available to speak to anyone from any walk of life and give you the opportunity to do what I did and own my own life.

Have an awesome and successful life everyone. Peace <3

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